If Plants Could Talk

And Would We Want to Know What They Said?

😄 Garden Humor | by Guy Saldiveri | February 02, 2026

I have to say, if they talked to me the way I talk to them, there’d probably be several armored tank divisions ready to roll across my property!

Actually, like any decent gardener, I always strive to give my plants the very best care I can. That, of course, doesn’t mean I don’t resort to a little “forceful” encouragement at times. 

It’s amazing how fast a tomato plant will stop its dramatic wilting when faced with the threat of a little “extra” pruning. 

It makes you wonder what they really think when they see you marching toward them. “Oh boy—here he comes again!” You can almost see the roots coming up out of the ground.

Do you think the pepper plants would complain if you watered the cucumbers first? Would the squash ask for some suntan oil in July? 

I’m pretty sure I heard the beans gossiping about the eggplant the other day… and personally, I’d like to ask my okra why it’s always so prickly. I mean, it gets the care it needs; it doesn’t have to be so standoffish. 

I’d also like to know why the zucchini enjoys hiding its fruit until it’s so big you can’t even use it. 

And then there are the weeds—you really could wonder what they’re thinking—yes, thinking—because I’m not sure I want to hear their opinions. I doubt they care for the neighborhood rules, much less the eviction notices they keep getting…

[shrug] 

Then again, maybe some things are better left unknown.

Happy Gardening 🌱